Let’s start by saying this: Sen. Roy Ashburn (R-Bakersfield) is a coward. Sure, on occasion, he broke party ranks to vote for a budget or something.  But for well over a decade, he served in the Legislature, consistently voting against any and all bills that protected the LGBT community. And then, as he points out in this confessional published on the Gay and Lesbian Victory Fund website, he was outed in a flood of police lights. As I’ve said before, Ashburn was a slow-motion train wreck. The question was never if he was going to be outed, but when and how.  Of course, he then went ahead and made sure it was a big spectacle.  Good work, Roy.

But this little piece of work that he published, well, it’s a real piece of work.

My past actions harmed gay people.  In fact, all people are harmed when there is unequal treatment of anyone under the constitution and laws of our country.  I do not believe in discrimination, and yet my votes advanced unequal of treatment of gay people and promoted the suspicion and fear that limits people from being forthright and accepted in society.

Now, from what I have lived and learned, I want to do the best that I can to advance equality and freedom for all people.  Given the shame and confusion that many feel over their sexual orientation, perhaps my situation can serve as an example of both the harm that can come from denial and fear, and the opportunity to try to make things right.

Let’s run down this timeline.  Ashburn gets elected while outwardly proclaiming bigotry.  Ashburn legislates consistent with that outward bigotry.  Ashburn gets outed at the point of a policeman’s MAGlight. And now, finally, Ashburn decides that bigotry was ridiculous.

Well, let’s all give Roy a big ol’ group hug now, right?  Well, I’ll just go ahead and skip that.  Perhaps you would describe me as bitter, but for my part, I’ll pass on all of the mushy stuff. While I praise traditionally conservative parties for taking an enlightened stance on LGBT issues (such as the British Tories), that’s not what this is about.

This is about one guy, who lived his life selfishly.  He was too much of a coward to come out.  And let’s be clear, Ashburn was representing himself as a leader. This deception is not how a leader behaves. The lying and the sneaking, are not how a leader behaves. And the suppression of his own supposed fair-mindedness is not how a leader behaves.

Call me back after Ashburn has done some real work to repair some of the damage that he has already done. Maybe then I won’t be so cynical about his conversion via police lights.